


Look At Me Now

by Zetal (Rodinia)



Series: Yuri on Ice Music Week [4]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Seung Gil Discovers Angst, post breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-12-24 22:29:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12022386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rodinia/pseuds/Zetal
Summary: After nearly a year together, Phichit can't take Seung Gil's refusal to let him in anymore, so he breaks up with him.  It's tough, but he'll survive.Seung Gil's not so sure.  It may be too late, but he has to try to at least show Phichit he's changed.





	Look At Me Now

**Author's Note:**

> Written for YoI Music Week: Day 4 - 90s
> 
> Song: [Look At Me Now](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADo7jz4DD_k) by Bryan White (1994)

Phichit had survived the breakup just fine. Seung Gil certainly couldn’t begrudge him that. He hadn’t exactly done much to make being with him better than being alone.

At the time, he’d blamed Phichit. Seung Gil was the same person he’d always been, and it wasn’t likely he’d change. The other skaters called him a robot because he wasn’t openly emotional. He wasn’t the only one who kept his feelings to himself, but at least with people like Otabek, he found a way to let them out on the ice. You knew Otabek had feelings, he was just private with them. Seung Gil… not so much.

It wasn’t fair for Phichit to expect that to change just because they were in a relationship. Seung Gil shouldn’t have to be what someone else expected him to be. He had quite enough of that with his mother and his coach. And yet…

Seung Gil didn’t think he’d miss Phichit this much. He’d never let Phichit in, so when Phichit said he was leaving, Seung Gil had let him. He’d miss Phichit, but he’d get on with his life. It wouldn’t change much.

That was the theory. It didn’t actually work that way. It was only after Phichit was gone that he realized that he hadn’t just liked Phichit. He loved Phichit. He needed Phichit. Without him, life was… he may as well be the robot everyone said he was.

Seung Gil hadn’t participated, he didn’t see the point, but when Georgi did his breakup theme for Anya, everyone had made fun of him. He was one of the biggest gossip topics in skating circles, after Viktor and Yuuri’s ridiculously public courtship and Yuri Plisetsky’s debut and pissing match with JJ. Seung Gil had admired Georgi for the routines. Sure, the makeup was overly dramatic and he got a little too intense, but he was laying his heart bare on the ice despite what everyone said. He truly gave no shits, and Seung Gil respected that.

Minso Park was shocked when Seung Gil showed up to practice one day and said he had his free skate done. She was even more shocked when Seung Gil started skating. Seung Gil met her eyes with a determined glare. “I’m doing this whether you approve or not, so you might as well approve of it and spare us both the drama.”

“I was going to insist on it. This is a huge breakthrough for you, Seung Gil. I’m proud of you.”

 

Phichit missed Seung Gil. Why shouldn’t he? That was why he’d unfollowed Seung Gil. He didn’t block him, leaving the hope open that Seung Gil might actually care that he was gone and message him to apologize and talk things out, but he couldn’t watch as Seung Gil, under Minso’s watchful eye, continued to live his life the same as ever even without Phichit.

Leo and Guang Hong understood, mostly, and avoided Seung Gil’s social media too. Occasionally Phichit would see something from Otabek or Yuuri, about Seung Gil’s dog or training. Seung Gil was in the Rostelecom Cup, which had Phichit conflicted. It was always good to check out the competition, but seeing Seung Gil…

He couldn’t just skip it. Leo was there, too, along with Otabek and Yuri. Phichit was skating against Otabek in China, Yuri and Leo in France. He decided to watch, but shut it off when Seung Gil came on. Research or not, he couldn’t, and he could always YouTube it if Seung Gil made the Finals and Phichit was going to skate against him. Four Continents and Worlds were too far away for him to think about just yet.

Seung Gil ended up winning gold in Russia. The medal ceremony hadn’t even started when Phichit’s phone started blowing up. Guang Hong, Otabek, Yuuri, Viktor… okay, Celestino was probably important. He called back.

“Did you watch the Rostelecom Cup?”

“Ciao Ciao, did you seriously text me to check if I was doing my homework?”

“No. You know how to find videos on YouTube if you had something else to do tonight. Did you watch?”

“Yes, most of it. What happened to Yuri?”

“I don’t know. Growth spurt, probably, he’s that age. Did you watch Seung Gil?”

“No. I know, he won gold, he’s currently the biggest target for Finals, I should have watched, but…”

“That’s not why you should watch it. I mean, yes, I’m fairly certain you’ll be skating against him in Finals. Viktor might beat him, but no one else will in Japan, and you’ll notice I said might.”

“Whoa. That good, huh?” He successfully managed to avoid hearing any rumors about Seung Gil’s theme or music, and now, he really didn’t want to know. Losing Phichit meant Seung Gil did skating that had Celestino – who was not prone to exaggeration – thinking he might beat Viktor Nikiforov?

“That good. You will probably be asked about it, so watch it so you’re prepared for the questions.”

 

Seung Gil didn’t beat Viktor, but silver was good enough to get him to the Finals. Phichit made it, too, which had Seung Gil nervous. Phichit had said a few generically nice things about Seung Gil’s skating in the press, but nothing to indicate that he got it. That he knew the program was for him, and that it was sincere, not just a performance.

It wasn’t unusual for Seung Gil to spend the down time during a competition alone. Avoiding Phichit in the holding room was awkward, with only six skaters around, but with Yuuri and Viktor there, Phichit at least had his best friend to hang out with. Seung Gil kept his headphones on and his head down, focusing entirely on keeping himself loose and ready to skate. He was in fourth after the short program, behind Viktor, Yuuri, and Otabek. Phichit was fifth, JJ last.

Seung Gil took the ice, and for the first time in his career, his nerves were threatening to take over. Normally, while he skated, he calculated points. It kept him calm, kept him focused. This time, though, he couldn’t help it. He didn’t care about the points or the medals or any of that. He cared about getting his message through to Phichit. Look at me now, he begged with a camel spin. I understand now, a quad loop said. He’d promised to work with Phichit on the quad loop last summer, but then… Phichit left. I didn’t know love when I had it, his choreographic sequence apologized. His final pose – his heart was in his hands, held out to an imaginary lover.

He looked for Phichit as he left the ice. Phichit wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Minso didn’t have anything to tell him. Seung Gil’s score didn’t beat Yuuri’s world record from the year before, but it was close, and it was the best he’d ever done by a wide margin. That didn’t matter. If Phichit hadn’t even watched, then what was the point of it all?

Yuuri caught his arm as he left the Kiss and Cry. “Phichit stayed out there to watch. He left halfway through. I don’t think he got far, between the tears and the skates. Go find him.”

If Phichit was still wearing his skates, Seung Gil would have an advantage if he changed back to shoes. He didn’t take off the rest of his costume, and he didn’t take the time to pack his skates up properly. That could wait until after he’d found Phichit.

Seung Gil found Phichit easily enough. He was hiding in the showers, staring at his phone and not seeing a thing through the tears. “Phichit?” No answer, so Seung Gil crouched in front of him and reached out to touch his wrist. Phichit launched himself into his arms, clinging and getting snot all over Seung Gil’s costume. Minso would be furious, but Seung Gil had more important things on his mind. There was plenty of time before Nationals to get it cleaned or remade.

When the tears slowed, Seung Gil tried again. “Phichit?”

“I still haven’t seen it all the way through. I can’t… Celestino was right, I should have watched it before. He’s going to kill me when he realizes I hadn’t.”

“You talked about it in interviews…”

“I said generic things that could be said about any medal-winning skate. Your jumps looked good, you were going to be hard to beat…” Phichit wiped away the tears.

Seung Gil closed his eyes. “I thought you’d either missed the whole point, or you’d caught it but you didn’t care. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It took losing you to make me realize how important you were to me. I’ve changed, and if you’ll give me a second chance, I’ll prove it to you.”

“You already have. No wonder everyone’s talking about your skating this season, you’ve never skated like that before.”

“I’ve never had a good enough reason. I do now.”


End file.
